Summer has come to South Africa.
The Christmas trees are up.
Spring with all its graduations and matriculation balls has passed.
The awards have been given out to the students of merit.
.
My heart is thawing. I still cry when I think about Siphomandla and Yolanda
but I let it in. and out. calmly. and wipe my eyes when i finish.
.
Terry says that we need to have a community around us who love us for us
to take care of our souls.
and that we must fight off the disease that is cynicism
.
when people nicely and politely ask how was africa?
i smile and tell them unflinchingly
that south africa broke my soul
oh.
how nice.
I'm going there in January,
its going to be so great. I'm so excited.
I can't wait to hold AIDS orphans for a day.
.
the one who believed me, thinks his world is going to be rocked January.
and was worried that he has a Dutch last name.
.
i don't know how much rocking will happen in this trip.
.
Bonner provides a whole list of things that underclassmen want to hear, and its totally different from what upperclassmen want to hear.
Underclassmen want to hear how to do their service better. in my terms~what the hell am i supposed to be doing here?
Upperclassmen want to hear affirmation on how to continue service after seeing the cost of it. my terms~ why the hell am I here doing this? how the hell am I supposed to keep serving?
.
my question. how the hell do i find true Life without seeing beautiful brown faces whenever I am authentic and open up. who wants to hear my stories? who wants to carry these seemingly irrelevant and unnecessary versions of life a million miles away?
.
my friends are almost entirely international students who don't want to hear about all this. or girls from Ballard who i'm still so guarded with and don't even trust with my feelings/emotions/innerself. thank you jesus for my housemates