Lesson 8: We do not kiss each other at After School Program. We do not go around asking people to kiss us. We do not make people kiss us who do not want to.

This was repeatedly told to the other two boys in the previous picture. (At least they were asking??)



I love 7th graders...

Lessons for Grade 7s

Lesson 0: We will respect one another.

Lesson 1: We do not hit each other to express our feelings. It is never okay to hit someone.

Lesson 2: We do not talk when the teacher is talking

Lesson 3: We ask before we borrow someone's rubber (eraser)

Lesson 4: We do not use other peoples money. We do not gamble during afterschool program

Lesson 5: We are at After School Program for two reasons: to have fun and to be safe. We do not ruin other people's fun. We do not hurt other people or ruin their safe place.

Lesson 6: We use other people's real names. It is not okay to say "the fat one" "the black one" "the dark one" "the skinny one". We all have names. I am Christine. You are Olwethu. You are Kwanele. You will not insult other people by calling them elephants, ugly, skinny, fat, in English or in Xhosa. You will use their real name.

We just got to Lesson 6 today. Lesson 1 has been a recurring theme. Two more sessions and then I'm gonna go back to my world, as the boy in the very front of this picture very pointedly told me today.

Dear South Africa,

I want you to take responsibility for your poverty. I want to hold you responsible for your incomprehensible levels of rape, HIV, and abuse. I am disenchanted and angry. I'm mad that you have so much money, that your tourist attractions are so well kept, that you are so beautiful, and yet you move so slowly to make change for the least of your citizens. I'm mad that your politicians are just as corrupt as those in the united states. I'm mad that for all your idealism in your revolution, for all your promises of a new dispensation, your leaders are human after all. I'm frustrated that your citizens remind me of the people on the north side of town, your churches remind me of New Harvest.

Dear America,
how can you expect the rest of the world to develop when your Native people live on destitute reservations or promote the poverty of others through casinos? That's an unfair generalization, but its an important point to make. The situation of white/black/hispanic/asian in America is a whole nother ball game than that of black/white in South Africa. Dear America, please look at how divided your society is, and work for equality and an end to poverty inside your borders. Dear America, please look at your trade policies and how you regulate the human rights ethics of your corporations. Dear America, please control the CIA and Homeland Security. Please be more humane. Dear America, please give California more money for education and water for farmers, you get so much of our taxes. we're the seventh biggest economy of the world, and yet we have so many hungry families right now. Dear American churches, love your neighbors, love one another, remember the poverty of your cities as you pray for the poverty across the world. Ministering to people across the world is just as hard and frustrating as the little rude buggers who you don't want your kids to be friends with.

Dear South Africa,
I love you. You're beautiful and full of hope. You have so many smiling children and shacks that have starred in many idealistic YouTube fundraising efforts and many church recruitment videos. I could fit here. I could serve here. I could give more and more of my time. I could develop curriculum and support an afterschool program. I do have something to offer here. I do have skills, love, and prayers. I've wanted to come here for so long, and here I am South Africa. here I am. I love it here. I just have the same depressed moments, the same money stresses, and the same inability to keep my normal life on schedule. It makes me want to go home and start over again. I'm sure I'll miss you so much when I'm home again, but I think I'm being called home now.

Dear America,
I can't believe I love you enough to call you home.
Dear California,
I do believe I love you enough to call you my state.
Dear Fresno,
I love you always and forever. I miss you and I'll see you soon. Keep trying to get better! I'll be home to support your economy soon! no chains, just family businesses like Bertos and Paradise Cafe.

Another one of those reflections for class

 You should now have a fair indication of where your activity process is going. You are preparing to conclude and end your process. Reflect on the implications: What impact did this experience have on you, on the community and on the organization. In the second question reflect on how you used the theory on PAR and evaluation to analyse the outcomes of the planned activities.

 

This experience did impact me greatly. I don't feel like a new person. I feel like I've seen the problems at home magnified. I feel like the same problems affect poor people all over the world. I feel like the poverty here is the same as the poverty in my hometown. It makes me want to go home to the poor communities where I already know the culture. It makes me want to go into the Hmong and Cambodian communities at home, and work with people there. South Africa is not my country. South Africa is big and unfamiliar even after 3 or 4 months. My county at home has 17% unemployment rates right now. We still have the highest concentrated poverty in the country. The farms are in draught. I need to go home. They need good community development there. As a Fresnan, as a Californian, I have more of a place there.

This experience affected the community of Kayamandi/Ikaya Primary School is small but significant ways. I was present for a lot of students. I heard a lot of students' stories. I came, and I saw. I experienced. I think that that is more important to me, but it does make a small impact on these students as well. I think that the afterschool program does make a tangible difference in their lives, because they get focused attention, and they get to be special. The grade 8 helpers remember their fun times in the program like it was yesterday. They miss last year's volunteers and talk about them all the time. I think our grade 7 students will feel the same about us, when we are gone.

My contribution to ISOS-Kayamandi is not too significant. It is structured so that all valuable contributions are used. I feel like I influenced the program, but alongside many other people. I think that I learned a lot from ISOS-Kayamandi that I will use in future afterschool or summer programs with kids.

Carefully read the instructions about the theme for this week's journal, before attempting this question. (these instructions are available on the journal webpage and above. Question 1: Using the DEAL model of reflection and the critical incident approach, describe the most important activities and interactions (incidents) during your service at your site of placement today (this week), as it relates to the theme of this particular journal. Why was it important? How did you feel during and after the incident(s) and why did you feel that way? (See identifiable feelings tabled below). Also describe any other feelings or reactions you experienced at your placement site today (this week).

On Monday night, we had our feedback session, which was my mini-project aside from the weekly work with the children in the afterschool program. I am proud of the way that it worked out. I began with a focus session with the grade 8 helpers. Mike had correctly predicted that it would be difficult for the girls to say anything negative about the program structure or the volunteers. I taught them the phrase constructive criticism as part of our exercise, but I'm not sure they understand the 'critical' part of the phrase, even now. I did get a lot of useful advice out of them, eventually. When it was time for the big meeting with all the volunteers, the grade 8s did want to speak in front of everyone. They said all the positive things that we had talked about. They let me say the negative things. They did really good. I think the volunteers were really receptive, too.

The top 5 lessons for the volunteers were:

1. Talk slower, and repeat yourself if we don't understand the first time.
2. Be creative and interesting in the ways that you engage with the learners.
3. Talk to the learners as much as possible, about anything, just talk.
4. We want to be your friends, the learners want to be your friends, try to open up and be our friends.
5. We really appreciate what you do

I am realizing more and more that all of the kids really do crave relationship. As time goes on, and my face is seen consistently every week, they are beginning to open up to me and share their stories. I think that this is the biggest impact that I could ask for in these children's lives. Its also the biggest impact that ISOS could ask for, too. (the girls do swear that their English is infinitely better because of afterschool programme, so that's good affirmation as well). Its really hard though, because every story is a new and unique variation on heartbreak.

I sat in the back of the room with Siphomandla (gift of strength) and another boy as we were writing articles about how they had spent Easter Holiday. The other boy wrote about getting to visit his father in Gugulethu, which doesn't happen very often. He got to ride the train. He got to see his friends in Gugulethu, he got to go to the beach, all sorts of exciting things happen when he gets to see his dad. Siphomandla says something under his breath about his dad that I don't quite catch. I tell him to write it down as a part of his article. He writes "I wish I could go visit my dad. I have never met him since I was 2 months old and my mother left him in Gauteng". Oh, Siphomandla. There were tears in his eyes. And I was powerless to do anything other than affirm how badly that sucks. I felt so powerless, but also privileged to hear a bit of his story. He usually doesn't talk very much.

I think another child in the program is being abused. I don't know what to do about that either. I was talking to Katie, and part of her Prochorus Resource Binder is a sheet of signs to look for. This boy, he has a lot of those signs. He's usually pretty quiet, or at least he doesn't ever speak English very loudly. He can scream Xhosa quite well. Everyone picks on him; I think it is because his immediate response is to punch them. At first, I felt like I was always getting him in trouble, because he was always fighting with other boys. I started to play closer attention, and I realized that the boys would poke or prod or lightly punch him until he punched back. The girls will tease and make fun of him until he responds. It's not okay. I've talked to him a million times about how violence is not okay. I've intervened in specific confrontations, and made the girls apologize for calling him __________(Zulu, Zimbabwean, the super dark-skinned skinny looking tribal man in the magazine). I've made him apologize for hitting. I've separated him from the table he was fighting with. I've even threatened to drop him out of the program. Andy sent him home early on occasion. He hit someone else in the classroom on Tuesday. I took him outside and talked to him a little bit. He didn't really talk. He looked stonily out at the distance, wouldn't look at me. I told him I wasn't going to yell at him, I just wanted to know what was going on. I let him sit for a while, asked a few more questions about what had just happened. He didn't respond. I asked a few questions about his home. I asked if he lived with his mother, he shook his head no. I asked if he lived with his father, he nodded. I asked if he had brothers, he shook his head no. I asked if he had sisters, he put up three fingers. He then starts crying. Not sobbing, but the tears that he's been fighting to hold in, the whole time he's been looking stonily, those tears just come pouring down his face. I ask a few more questions that he doesn't really answer. I let him sit there and finish crying. I ask him if he wants to get a drink of water first, or he wants to just go back in. The only time he says anything is "water". He washes off his face, drinks some water, and then goes back into the classroom. I don't see him punch anyone else the rest of the time we are in the classroom.

As the program comes to an end for this semester, I wish that I could somehow tell the new group of volunteers everything that I have learned about each of the students. I wish that they wouldn't have to waste 2 months of getting comfortable. In Young Life, we have a saying that you have to earn the right to be heard. The new volunteers do need to earn the trust of these kids, because they have so few dependable trustable people in their lives. The students are smart to keep so much hidden. They cannot live any other way. I wish that I had more time with them, even though I am so ready to go home. I don't know how much more I could hear and be powerless to do anything about.

 

 

 

 

  Question 2: This question relates back to your knowledge base (prior knowledge and experience, course readings and current research you undertake) and how this helps to inform you to understand your answer in the previous question. The instruction for this question is therefore to 'step back' from your experience and analyze as objective as possible the reasons for your feelings during the experience at the site. Relate experiences and observations to specific concepts and theories you learned in class or in classes prior to coming to South Africa. (Use the theme and specific readings referred to in the description of this journal on the journal web page as guideline.

In the second question reflect on how you used the theory on PAR and evaluation to analyse the outcomes of the planned activities.

I think that I used the theories of PAR pretty well in my group training/feedback session on Monday night. The volunteers and Grade 8 helpers both got to co-create the training material that will be used for next semester's volunteers. The time I spent with the grade 8 girls was especially helpful for me and empowering for them. Because I came up with the idea, it wasn't completely participatory. They did identify the need for volunteer training during an earlier conversation where we discussed their roles in the after school program. I guess that could be problem formulation. The capacity building of the volunteers and grade 8 helpers is important for the program. It does help support the efforts of the afterschool program to further its work in the community. My focus session focused on the need for volunteer training. If I was just working with the small group of concerned grade 8s, I'm not sure that that would be the focus of our community development efforts. I don't think that's what would happen with my Participatory Action Research. I think that I have been good at developing a democratic and trusting relationship with the grade 8 helper girls. I learn a lot from them, and listen to what they have to say. They know this. I think that it was empowering for the girls to hear their opinions shared to a large group of volunteers. It was also empowering for the girls to hear the volunteers share their opinions about the volunteers' own perceptions of the volunteers. I think that the conscientization process was most evident in my work with the girls. I think that they learned about the process as well.

If I was to stay in Kayamandi, and do PAR or other methods of community development, I would want to focus on abuse. I know that Prochorus does some work in this area, and I'm sure other NGOs do too. I would want to use the girls' experiences and see how PAR could help them. I've heard too many stories now.

Election Day in South Africa

They don't stream the votes or do a big thing on SABC like CNN does in the States. Carly was kind enough to drive 3 girls home to Kayamandi after they visited me today (public holiday for voting). It was a crazy party scene in Kayamandi. At least 150 people were lined up to vote outside the Primary School. There were braais (bbqs) on street corners. There were people wearing political party t-shirts everywhere. There were little parties outside of houses, everyone wearing the same t-shirts, with banners in the background. Although ANC is slated to win by a landslide, (with the poor black vote being a huge contributing factor), I saw a fair amount of other parties decently-to-well represented. this was especially interesting because of the poor-black-ANC generalization. Voting is a worth a huge party! its really exciting in a starry eyed political science student sort of way.
I swear every child I talk to has a new variation on heartbreak, hiding behind their smiles and bright eyes. Its too much. They love me though. And they share with me. And I get to hear their hidden stories. I can't save them though. as much as i want to. and they want me to. what can I do? I can give them hugs. I can teach them fun vocabulary words. I can buy them ice cream occasionally when they visit me like 3 did today. And I can treasure their little notes and stories. I can be present. I can be here. And that's what I gotta do.
peace love hope truth. grace.

I got back to Stellenbosch safe and sound. I'm really good at driving stick now, just so everyone knows. Although, I am still much more stressed when I'm in town than if I'm away from other cars. Its really fun to drive, actually.
I had a lovely dinner with KP Sam Haylie and Sander for Easter. We started cooking around 1, planned to eat around 2:30, definitely ate around 4. There are just so many things you have to do when you cook a lot of dishes, goodness. It was lovely though. We told stories about our breaks, and otherwise just enjoyed the good food. I learned how to make gravy, too. I'm surprised that its so easy.
After our meal I took a quick nap, and then we went to church. The preacher talked about Shalom, and how Jesus came to bring Shalom. and she talked about being peace makers in the context that we find ourselves in. The elections are coming up soon, and theres been some interesting interpretations of justice by the man, Jacob Zuma, who will almost definitely be the next president of this country. I'll definitely be safe in Stellenbosch, but if you're of the praying persuasion, pray for peace and safety across the country. ANC has a pretty strong arm, and doesn't really like it when people vote for anyone but them. Its not at a national level, but at a local level, especially in poorer areas. Its rough.
but it was cool to hear her say relevant stuff, that also showed intelligent sifting through the news, and also providing some appropriate responses for her congregation to think about. i really liked it.
it was a small church. maybe 20 people there total. not all white. which was nice. but definitely mostly white.

my new favorite person:

Mamphela Ramphele

she kinda tells it like she sees it

http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/Politics/0,,2-7-12_2491003,00.html

i kinda want to be her when i grow up.
minus all the heartbreak. if thats possible.

also, if you click the slideshow, you can get a direct link to my picasa account, where I uploaded a lot of beautiful pictures from my spring break trip. you have to click Neen's gallery, I think, and then Spring Holiday.

Easter Break Reflections

Its so beautiful here at The Wild Farm outside of Wilderness. It's a cloudy day, and you can hear the waves crashing from the ocean at the bottom of the mountain. We are at the top of the mountain and can see 360 degrees of beauty, just like what was advertised in the Coast to Coast backpackers guide. There's a slight breeze, as there should be when you're near the ocean on a cloudy day.

Last night I harvested tomatoes, onions, and peppers from the Wild Farm to use in our pasta sauce. They were free, because you pick what you want. Yesterday we also took a really cool back road from Knysna to Wilderness. It was beautiful, because everything is beautiful here, but it was also nice just to get off the main highway for a bit, and see the countryside, you know?

In regards to safety, almost every night the backpackers that we are in is full to the brim of other young people doing the exact same thing as us. There are couples from Germany, American exchange students, British vacationers, Australian best friends, and more. Laura and I drive very safely, and the roads are very well maintained. Everyone that we've interacted with (aside from the car rental guy, but that was in Stellenbosch) has been really nice and helpful. We met up with Sander, Nicky, and Nadine for a bit, and got really lost in Port Elizabeth, because we didn't know where that backpackers was. I was just following Sander's car, but everyone that they stopped to ask for directions from was really helpful.

The clouds are starting to break and the house on the next hill over is perfectly spotlighted right now.

I think I want to live in Port Elizabeth at some point in time in my life. Most tourists say that there's nothing really in PE aside from its proximity to Addo Elephant Park. I think I like that in a city. I think I want it to be more real than a tourist destination. It is pretty big, and its by the ocean, but it didn't feel pretentious when we were in it. I think I might want to go to Rhodes for grad school. I dunno though. I need to do more research.

On the animal side, so far I have seen 2 baboons. (one on the side of the road, one on a rock looking out at the ocean). I saw 2 jackals, at least 50 elephants, 3 zebras, over a hundred warthogs, at least 50 dung beetles, multiple kudu? Something boks? Some kind of antelope with twisted horns, and multiple monkeys on the side of the road. My favorite monkeys were the ones waiting to cross the bridge until I passed them. I also saw 2 crabs. Oh, and laura almost touched a deer thing. Maybe that was a springbok. Everything that's a deer/antelope is called a _______bok. We're making our way back to Stellenbosch now, and I am pretty satisfied with how well this spring/autumn break has gone.

Peace love grace truth

christine

You cut me open…

We watched the movie Sometime in April in class on Friday night. We've moved on from the DR Congo to Rwanda in our tour of African heartbreak funded by the West. And in this case, more of just the West standing by and doing nothing. Good movie.

The next morning I got up and went on a Girls Weekend road trip to Cederberg. Which was beautiful. And amazing.

 

 

 

But.

 

 

 

 

…yeah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think the hardest part of South Africa isn't learning about the hard stuff, or crying your eyes out, or hearing the stories about people you know. It's the going back, it's the trying to pretend that everything is normal and carefree. I guess you could say that vacationing is the hardest part for me. It's the not having people to talk my thoughts out to. 800,000 people died in 100 days in 1994. And those killers? Most of them ran away to Congo to avoid charges, where they're still raping and murdering today. Thrilling news.

And no, I haven't had a boyfriend in a year, and yes, its been over a year and a half since my only really serious boyfriend and I broke up. No, I don't really care about all your relationships. Yes, I am horrible at these games. (yes I am self-conscious about a lot of these things) Yes, I do love late night gossip sessions. I do love giggling and being silly. Yes I love chocolate and red wine and bread and pasta. Yes I love getting to know people better. Yes I did have a really good time this weekend. No, I don't feel like myself right now.

My only problem is

… I keep keep bleeding/breathing (depending on which version you choose. :p)

 

Usually being around Beauty and being in vast unexplored open spaces heals my soul. Usually I don't feel down and out of it the day after I get back.

South African Politics, on a microlevel

We found out on Tuesday that we should probably cancel the afterschool program for Thursday because there was going to be a big ceremony at the school. The principal faxed Mike (sort of boss) an invitation. Apparently there had been a competition for the best poster design for Fire and Flood Safety. Out of 600 submissions, the first and second prize had gone to students at Ikaya Primary School. Although I needed to be working on a paper (that I still haven't finished), I decided to go. It ended up just being me and Mike, because Andy and Bibi had class. First we waited for like ten or fifteen minutes for Andy to come, but he didn't. When we got to Kayamandi, the thing had actually already started, which was bizarre, because things never start on time. Apparently though, when local government is putting on an event, things happen.

There was a huge tent/canopy thing that everyone could sit under. It was like a khaki colored circus tent, at least 15 ft (5 m) tall, I wish I could have remembered my camera. There was a mini stage, with wireless mikes for the performers, and a decent speaker system. The kids were all seated on the ground, but it was only a few grades. Definitely grades 7 and 6, but possibly 5 too. The front row kids looked really small, but I used to say that about the seventh graders. Numbers-wise, I think there were over 300, which would mean just two grades (4 classrooms of forty learners for each grade. Big smile.).

When we walked up to the tent, there was a performance in progress of the Safety Brigade, or something like that. There were four young people of varying ages (and skin color) in brightly colored shirts excitedly talking about the Emergency phone number, staying calm, and getting help. They also gave out prizes for the kids that answered their questions correctly. The local government officials didn't know what to do with us until another woman came over and told them that we were supposed to sit in the chairs, just like all the other visiting guests. What do you know?

We were seated in time to watch the grade 6 singers/dancers, and then for the two speeches. Then came the announcements. It was two boys from grade 6, classroom C. We got to see the posters that they drew, and they received a drawing kit, a trophy, a certificate, and a cash prize (the MC said the last part very quietly each time). Each boy had his picture taken with all the powerful dignitaries present. Everyone was happy and proud. Then the children were dismissed to go eat the lunch that local government bought for them (chips, pie [think Hot Pocket], candy bar, soda?). The teachers and guests got to go inside the teachers' lounge.

We had prawns, calamari, mini-ribs, chicken, sausages, veggies, fruits, crackers, cheese, sparkling juice, and more. It was super fancy. I didn't know anyone other than Mike, and he didn't really introduce me to anyone, so that was kinda awkward. I did get to meet a youngish woman who works for the Emergency Safety department or something, so I chatted to her a while about prawns. As we were saying goodbye, I met a few of the teachers of our kids. I met the principal too.

We got in the car, drive maybe 50 meters, and Mike says, "that thing cost no less than 50,000 rand ($5,000). With that money, they could have hired another teacher for a semester, or even a whole year if we think about what the teachers really get paid not should get paid. But no, the kids did an assignment in class, for class, won a prize, so the local government puts down the big bucks to celebrate"

Which raises some really interesting questions.

A big theme at FIRM and in community development theory is that you celebrate your accomplishments. Any time anything exciting happened at FIRM, we would have a potluck. If it was really big? A full scale community meal. Celebrating is really important. And those kids at Ikaya should be proud of the distinction. The posters were drawn really well. They were really good, and I think definitely deserved a prize.

They also deserve a decent education. They also deserve a government that acts on their behalf.

So whats the balance? A less nice tent? Crappy speakers that don't project the sound so everyone can hear clearly? A certificate delivered in a classroom? No unnecessary poster competitions in the first place? No free meal? Less fancy food for the teachers? (don't forget teachers have votes and a really influential local ANC party woman is also a teacher at the school) how else will we know that the government is good if they don't give out nice free stuff to the people?

The kids don't deserve a crappy ceremony just because the rest of the school/government services are crappy in some degree or another.

Dunno. Interesting stuff here though.